Welcome to WrongStars.com

WrongStars is your source for advance warning about all the crazy things life has in store for you. Get down on your knees and beg for the wisdom the all powerful stars can give to you!  Then again maybe these are just the scrawlings of a madman.  In which case they could be inspired by a celebrity oops, a video game, or the neighbour's dog.  Either way life is entertaining.

Dec 21 2009 

Aries

The stars can't quite hear you.  Yell at the sky some more.

 

Taurus

Yes you can get high off Flintstone vitamins, no they don't make you yell yabba-dabba-doo, that's just a stupid myth.

Gemini

Today the demons tapping on your skull are headed to Boston.  This would be a good time to move so you're not here when they get back.

Cancer

Today you and your friends will discuss the appropriateness of Ozzy biting the heads off bats.  Unfortunately what you think doesn't matter, Ozzy O'Brien has been working at Dairy Queen long enough to get away with anything.

Leo

If you throw a baseball out the window at this very moment you'll hit a 46 year old albino supervillian who was on his way to dump 40 tons of blue Jell-O in the reservoir.  You don't care though.

Virgo

Today you'll go temporarily insane and duct tape together the car antennas of every car in the lot.  The resulting tape refuse will be seen clinging to cars all over the city for weeks.  Don't be hard on yourself though, you weren't responsible.

Libra

You're feeling compassionate today and eager to brighten the world around you.  Print out thousands of paper butterflies and nail them to the wall every place you go.

Scorpio

In times like these it's helpful to strip away the non-essentials and get back to what's really important.  And that is carving urinal cakes that look like celebrities.  You know in your heart that is what makes you happy.

Sagittarius

Today you can enrich your life by buying the entire set of Encyclopedia Britanica.  When stacked on top of each other they make an ideal platform to stand on and look over your neighbour's fence.

Capricorn

You can single-handedly put a halt to global warming.  Fill the kitchen sink with hot water and blow on it until it's cold.  Do this over and over and you'll have made all the difference.

Aquarius

As you run around pulling fire alarms today take a minute to stop and reflect on the importance of friendship and family.

Pisces

Despite the name, flushing pipecleaners down the toilet will actually clog the pipes.  But flushing a $20 bill once a day will work nicely.