WrongStars is your source for advance warning about all the crazy things life has in store for you. Get down on your knees and beg for the wisdom the all powerful stars can give to you! Then again maybe these are just the scrawlings of a madman. In which case they could be inspired by a celebrity oops, a video game, or the neighbour's dog. Either way life is entertaining.
The stars can't quite hear you. Yell at the sky some more.
Yes you can get high off Flintstone vitamins, no they don't make you
yell yabba-dabba-doo, that's just a stupid myth.
Today the demons tapping on your skull are headed to Boston. This
would be a good time to move so you're not here when they get
back.
Today you and your friends will discuss the appropriateness of Ozzy
biting the heads off bats. Unfortunately what you think doesn't matter,
Ozzy O'Brien has been working at Dairy Queen long enough to get away with
anything.
If you throw a baseball out the window at this very moment you'll hit a 46 year
old albino supervillian who was on his way to dump 40 tons of blue Jell-O in the
reservoir. You don't care though.
Today you'll go temporarily insane and duct tape together the car antennas of
every car in the lot. The resulting tape refuse will be seen clinging to
cars all over the city for weeks. Don't be hard on yourself though, you
weren't responsible.
You're feeling compassionate today and eager to brighten the world around
you. Print out thousands of paper butterflies and nail them to the wall
every place you go.
In times like these it's helpful to strip away the non-essentials and
get back to what's really important. And that is carving urinal cakes that
look like celebrities. You know in your heart that is what makes you
happy.
Today you can enrich your life by buying the entire set of Encyclopedia
Britanica. When stacked on top of each other they make an ideal platform
to stand on and look over your neighbour's fence.
You can single-handedly put a halt to global warming. Fill the
kitchen sink with hot water and blow on it until it's cold. Do this over
and over and you'll have made all the difference.
As you run around pulling fire alarms today take a minute to stop and
reflect on the importance of friendship and family.
Despite the name, flushing pipecleaners down the toilet will actually
clog the pipes. But flushing a $20 bill once a day will work
nicely.
